Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Oh Yeah I started a blog, I almost forgot. Aka busy brain syndrome

Sometimes life gets crazy.. Even if you're not busy with work or kids or cleaning the house... Sometimes your brain is just busy, you are internally busy. That is how I have felt this last week or so... Internally busy.  Even through the madness that floats around my brain I try to find the positive and see the good. I am lucky to have a wonderful son, a wonderful step son, and a wonderful adopted step son. I have good family and friends too. I have an amazing boyfriend who although he is suffering from busy brain syndrome as well he does do his best to make me feel loved as much as he can. Could I use more money and less bills... Of course... But in the scheme of things I am lucky...??? Right??? 
I guess everyone suffers from busy brain syndrome, I wonder if there is a cure? That cure must be different for everyone. I started writing this blog to help my busy brain, I'm still not sure if it's working. I have taken you all through the first few years or so of my life. Nothing terribly personal. Not sure if I'm ready to go there. I'm working on that part I guess. Even though that was also part of the reason I started this.  It is discouraging to know no one is commenting. I see I have had a few lookers but no super interested parties, not interested enough to comment. I could do things like share this on my Facebook or other social media but I think I like the anonymity of it all..
Funny.. I want people to look but I don't all at the same time.  
I think in my last blog I left you folks off with me somewhere in 3rd grade? Third grade was good, I found that I loved phonics. I specifically remember that. My third grade teacher was pretty great too. Mrs. Garrity. She is a super lady who ended up substitute teaching my son a bit too.. I was at the school one day a few years ago and she yelled at some kid for doing some random and silly thing and her voice still makes me jump.lol.  (Can you put an lol in a blog?) 
Fourth grade was ok too. It was my first experience with a male teacher... I spent weeks afraid of him to the point where I would cry when I had to go to school. I still can't tell you the scientific or medical reason why I did this. I only suspect that it was the direct connection he had with my uncle on my fathers side. PERSONAL comin up! My father was an abusive alcoholic, that may have been part of it. But psychologically in psychological terms I cannot explain it. The abuse of my father to me was mental and emotional not physical, he saved the physical stuff for my mom and bar goers he would find at local watering holes. My mom would be so upset with me if she read this, but nothing I will say in here is untrue. Sober he was a kind, giving and intelligent man. But there was another side to him that some knew and some didn't. He has passed now, years of drinking smoking and fatty salty foods took their toll I suppose. I do miss the good man that he was and think of him often especially when I have a technical and/or mechanical quandary I need to solve. He was brilliant in that aspect. He worked as an engineer of sorts for the government, not bad for a man without a college education. I have many good memories of him. Swimming in the summers, hiking in the woods, fishing, building and fixing things. I think he may have preferred a boy. Lol. My mom always says that I took after him when it came to those things, she didn't have much of a capacity for stuff like that which is probably why she said such things. 
By the time I had hit fourth grade my parents had separated at least once maybe twice at that point and visits by the local police dept we're not a regular occurrence necessarily but it had happened frequently enough that I knew the routine. Sometimes, it was me making the call but I think at that point it was a concerned neighbor or family member. I think more of my calls came later. There were many nights or evenings that mom and I would have to jump in the car and go get him from a bar. Remember it was not like things are today it was the late 70's and early 80's so the rules were not as enforced as they are now. Sometimes he would leave easily without a struggle and sometimes the party wasn't over yet, so I learned how to play that old bar shuffleboard game at an early age and became quite good at it.  I can still remember the smell of old liquor and cigarettes in some of the places.  As far as family life it continued the same for... Well forever I guess... Fifth grade was tough for me it's when my great grade self fell off the map. By the end of fourth grade me and Mr O'Connor that scary fourth grade man teacher I told you about... Haha we found common ground and we're great friends by years end. I have seen him a few times since being out of the school and it is always a pleasure to say hi to him. I struggled in fifth grade it was different for me and I had to work hard for the first time in my schoolwork. The teacher was stern and a bit abrasive. But as an adult I can see she did care and had all of our best interests at heart, just like most teachers I meet. I failed to see that as a kid and teen. Unfortunately, she passed right after my class had her.. If I remember correctly she may not have finished the year with us. And here comes 6th, 7th, and 8th grade..... Three teachers Mr. Burke whom had been pushed to such an edge by unruly kids that he ate so many tums he always had white stuf stuck to the corners of his mouth or right on the middle of his bottom lip. Mrs. Weiner, the animal activist, she made us watch a movie about a chicken slaughter house... I eat chicken but I think I stopped for a while. And Mr. McCann the science guy, who I still think was baffled as to why some of us weren't interested, since he was so overly interested. He did teach us some cool stuff about these big model planes he used to build and fly. Which I still would love to do but haven't gotten the chance or had the money for an expensive hobby such as that one. 
Mr Burke was the first teacher to scare me to death for sleeping in his class. Rulers make very loud noises when broken across desks. Mrs. Weiner was the first one to send me to the office. I didn't mean to say I was writing a note cuz the class was boring, it just came out. My filter was broke that day.... And Mr. McCann no drama he was an overly patient man. 
So people if you actually made it through all of that and didn't gouge your eyes out please feel free to comment or even criticize, just say something. Lol. Happy night folks! Oh and I am still working on digging out some pics from the pit I call a closet. 

Friday, November 1, 2013

What is this odd place?

My life has taken me through numerous restaurants and bars, shopping malls, movie theaters, city streets, public bathrooms and lots of other places in between.  As I approach my 40's I think of all that I've seen and done and where has it gotten me? Not much further from where I started I suppose. Although the lessons I have learned are priceless. I had a typical childhood... Oh wait maybe not. 
As I have mentioned in previous posts I was born in Korea and airmailed to NJ. I spent my early years in a small farm town in NJ, perhaps not understanding the massive and odd world that awaited me. 

My first grade year was fairly uneventful, by this time my reading, writing and arithmetic skills had well developed and I had even made some friends along the way. My first grade teacher who has now passed was Mrs. Benner. She was a sweet old woman who often corrected her students for saying "Yup" instead of "Yes" when answering a question. She would respond with gentle scold of "Your'e not a dog, so you shouldn't answer with a Yup". I still don't think I've learned that lesson. Sorry Mrs. Benner.. You tried and for that I appreciate it. Passing first grade with flying colors onto second grade I went.  Second grade was just as uneventful except for one thing.... Since I was born in Korea I arrived in the US as a non citizen (immigrant? Can you call a baby an immigrant?). I became a citizen during second grade. Why am I able to so easily associate it to second grade you ask? When my principal of my school Dr. Kane found out that I was going to become a citizen he organized a class trip around it for some of the older grades at the school. I received cards and flowers from the school and my friends. It was quite a big deal for me and the school and that small farm town that I lived in. It was also technically my first appearance in a local newspaper.. There I was proud and happy with no front teeth for all to see since I had lost them the day before. I say technically because there was one other time as a baby that my mom set me up to play Baby Jesus in a Christmas play for the church... And again I say technically because my irritated baby self would not sit in the manger they had set up so they were forced to use a doll. So I don't think I was actually in that picture. 
At this point in my life getting ready to enter 3rd grade I still don't understand that massive odd place that awaits me. 

With the assumption that this history lesson may be getting dull, it is coming to an end... There will, of course be bits and pieces from my historical timeline at random times throughout future posts.
 

My First Blog.. The Beginning

Hello All, 
     I am not sure if I'm cut out for this blogging sort of thing. I'm not even sure where to begin. I am assuming that if you're reading this or any of the others I may post in the future then you know who I am personally. Or maybe not. 
This is me currently!
Just like the rest of us I have good and bad days so my thoughts or rants (if you will) may be determined by the day I am having. For those of you who don't know me at all or maybe not as well as others.. I could start by giving some background of the first 39 years... I have often thought of making my life a book. It has been a wild and interesting ride. This could be a good start to that. Please always feel free to comment or ask questions. 
Sincerely, 
Tanya 

Year 1: Born in Inchon City Korea in 1974,so I have been told by my parents who adopted me and dropped me in New Jersey in 1975. I was an extremely ill but adorable (well, I think I was)baby when I arrived from Korea. Please keep in mind this is the mid 70's in a predominantly white farm town(use of the word predominantly should actually mean 99.9% and white should be replaced with Caucasian, my failed attempt at being politically correct). So my arrival while exciting for most was probably mildly controversial for others. After much time spent in the hospital and bouncing around Dr.'s offices my health improved and I was well on my way to a new and prosperous life in the good ole US of A.
BUT Little did I know..... 





The Continued Beginning...

Year 2-3:
I obviously don't remember much of these years since I was small/young/little?? I was hoping to find some pictures to go in these but my days take over and I have not dug them out of the closet where I suspect those things are hiding.
The things I do remember is going to preschool, a cute little place in Franklin NJ. I cannot for the life of me tell you the name of the place and I only remember 3 of my classmates. John Ferdinand, Tricia Black and Tara Dolberry. Thanks to the wonderful invention of the computer and social media I still occasionally talk with Tricia and Tara and they both ended up going to the same High School as me so I saw them there too. John???? Not a clue. lol. He did live up the road from me growing up but not sure how he made out as an adult or where he ended up... Hope its not jail or a mental asylum.. :o) I do remember writing backwards when I first started and they thought that was a problem. A story my mom has never passed on the chance to share with people was when I told my preschool teacher that my mom wore diapers.. She was not pleased with that, but I guess I must have seen her pads for her monthly visitor and as a small child just assumed.. and shared.. Sorry Mom...Kids say the darndest things. lol.
I remember spending time in the Summers swimming at Heaters Pond. I remember learning how to swim from my Dad.. well at first then they had me take lessons.
Much past that I sometimes have memories of being with my cousins but they are very vague. Too much time having fun as a teen may have wiped some of those memories out.

Year 4-5:
I started Kindergarten at 4 since my birthday is October my parents thought it best to push me through early...Thanks for that. I grew up the youngest in my class for my entire educational career. Kindergarten was for me from what I can remember a bit scary. Mrs. McCloud was tall with large dark hair atop her head and big plastic framed glasses. She made me very nervous, her strict and serious demeanor always had me on edge. As I grew older and moved past her class I didn't feel the same way exactly and now as an adult when I have seen her I haven't felt that way but the memory of that feeling always stirs itself back up and for a brief second I am that scared 4-5 year old.

I am not going to take you through my life year by year but I figured a little background is always helpful. The posts of the future will be random thoughts and most likely rants of my day and the trials and tribulations of my life both past, present and future. Thank You