Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Oh Yeah I started a blog, I almost forgot. Aka busy brain syndrome

Sometimes life gets crazy.. Even if you're not busy with work or kids or cleaning the house... Sometimes your brain is just busy, you are internally busy. That is how I have felt this last week or so... Internally busy.  Even through the madness that floats around my brain I try to find the positive and see the good. I am lucky to have a wonderful son, a wonderful step son, and a wonderful adopted step son. I have good family and friends too. I have an amazing boyfriend who although he is suffering from busy brain syndrome as well he does do his best to make me feel loved as much as he can. Could I use more money and less bills... Of course... But in the scheme of things I am lucky...??? Right??? 
I guess everyone suffers from busy brain syndrome, I wonder if there is a cure? That cure must be different for everyone. I started writing this blog to help my busy brain, I'm still not sure if it's working. I have taken you all through the first few years or so of my life. Nothing terribly personal. Not sure if I'm ready to go there. I'm working on that part I guess. Even though that was also part of the reason I started this.  It is discouraging to know no one is commenting. I see I have had a few lookers but no super interested parties, not interested enough to comment. I could do things like share this on my Facebook or other social media but I think I like the anonymity of it all..
Funny.. I want people to look but I don't all at the same time.  
I think in my last blog I left you folks off with me somewhere in 3rd grade? Third grade was good, I found that I loved phonics. I specifically remember that. My third grade teacher was pretty great too. Mrs. Garrity. She is a super lady who ended up substitute teaching my son a bit too.. I was at the school one day a few years ago and she yelled at some kid for doing some random and silly thing and her voice still makes me jump.lol.  (Can you put an lol in a blog?) 
Fourth grade was ok too. It was my first experience with a male teacher... I spent weeks afraid of him to the point where I would cry when I had to go to school. I still can't tell you the scientific or medical reason why I did this. I only suspect that it was the direct connection he had with my uncle on my fathers side. PERSONAL comin up! My father was an abusive alcoholic, that may have been part of it. But psychologically in psychological terms I cannot explain it. The abuse of my father to me was mental and emotional not physical, he saved the physical stuff for my mom and bar goers he would find at local watering holes. My mom would be so upset with me if she read this, but nothing I will say in here is untrue. Sober he was a kind, giving and intelligent man. But there was another side to him that some knew and some didn't. He has passed now, years of drinking smoking and fatty salty foods took their toll I suppose. I do miss the good man that he was and think of him often especially when I have a technical and/or mechanical quandary I need to solve. He was brilliant in that aspect. He worked as an engineer of sorts for the government, not bad for a man without a college education. I have many good memories of him. Swimming in the summers, hiking in the woods, fishing, building and fixing things. I think he may have preferred a boy. Lol. My mom always says that I took after him when it came to those things, she didn't have much of a capacity for stuff like that which is probably why she said such things. 
By the time I had hit fourth grade my parents had separated at least once maybe twice at that point and visits by the local police dept we're not a regular occurrence necessarily but it had happened frequently enough that I knew the routine. Sometimes, it was me making the call but I think at that point it was a concerned neighbor or family member. I think more of my calls came later. There were many nights or evenings that mom and I would have to jump in the car and go get him from a bar. Remember it was not like things are today it was the late 70's and early 80's so the rules were not as enforced as they are now. Sometimes he would leave easily without a struggle and sometimes the party wasn't over yet, so I learned how to play that old bar shuffleboard game at an early age and became quite good at it.  I can still remember the smell of old liquor and cigarettes in some of the places.  As far as family life it continued the same for... Well forever I guess... Fifth grade was tough for me it's when my great grade self fell off the map. By the end of fourth grade me and Mr O'Connor that scary fourth grade man teacher I told you about... Haha we found common ground and we're great friends by years end. I have seen him a few times since being out of the school and it is always a pleasure to say hi to him. I struggled in fifth grade it was different for me and I had to work hard for the first time in my schoolwork. The teacher was stern and a bit abrasive. But as an adult I can see she did care and had all of our best interests at heart, just like most teachers I meet. I failed to see that as a kid and teen. Unfortunately, she passed right after my class had her.. If I remember correctly she may not have finished the year with us. And here comes 6th, 7th, and 8th grade..... Three teachers Mr. Burke whom had been pushed to such an edge by unruly kids that he ate so many tums he always had white stuf stuck to the corners of his mouth or right on the middle of his bottom lip. Mrs. Weiner, the animal activist, she made us watch a movie about a chicken slaughter house... I eat chicken but I think I stopped for a while. And Mr. McCann the science guy, who I still think was baffled as to why some of us weren't interested, since he was so overly interested. He did teach us some cool stuff about these big model planes he used to build and fly. Which I still would love to do but haven't gotten the chance or had the money for an expensive hobby such as that one. 
Mr Burke was the first teacher to scare me to death for sleeping in his class. Rulers make very loud noises when broken across desks. Mrs. Weiner was the first one to send me to the office. I didn't mean to say I was writing a note cuz the class was boring, it just came out. My filter was broke that day.... And Mr. McCann no drama he was an overly patient man. 
So people if you actually made it through all of that and didn't gouge your eyes out please feel free to comment or even criticize, just say something. Lol. Happy night folks! Oh and I am still working on digging out some pics from the pit I call a closet. 

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